What They Don’t Tell You About Pregnancy

I absolutely love the baby already. Can I say that without having met her? But as my friend reminded me earlier, my body has been hijacked and my life turned upside down for 9 months. I’m always tired, aching and irritable. Now don’t get me wrong, the baby is going to be so worth it! But I haven’t dealt with pregnancy well. I know pregnancy is a wonderful, magical thing and I am truly proud of my body for what it has achieved but there’s so much people don’t tell you that you find out along the way.

The Swollen Feet

Ladies I’m not just talking about a little swelling that you get when you’ve been dancing all night in 6 inch heels. In the last couple of weeks my feet are so swollen. I can’t wear trainer socks (unless I want to feel the circulation being cut off around my ankles) and they hurt so much to touch. Imagine having bruises all across the tops like someone’s stepped on them. It’s just like that!

Purple Legs

I lifted my bottoms to show my sister an epic new bruise on my leg to which she gasped and said, “wow, look how swollen and big your legs are, Lauren!”. Yep, look closer and you’ll see they’re also purple and blue. I mean what is up with that? In the bath they change to an almost ‘normal’ colour but generally throughout the day, they’re weird. Probably down to the amount of excess blood I have pumping around me (an increase of around 50% to be exact).

Where Is My Pregnancy Glow?

I had a feeling I’d be having a girl when I read an old wives tale explaining that if one suffers with bad skin in early pregnancy then it’s a girl stealing your beauty. Well. I had acne breakouts all over my chin and jaw in the first few months, then had a greasy skin problem with blotchy patches probably caused from the amount of junk I was craving and still to this day I’m waiting for that flushed, beautiful pregnancy glow. Most days I feel more ‘tired seagull’ than ‘beautiful swan’.

Is She Falling Out?

I no longer walk, I waddle. I shift my weight on to each leg as one is put in front of the other, causing my entire body to move from side to side. Sometimes if I’ve been walking for 5 minutes or I’m carrying a bag, I have to stop because I literally feel like the baby is about to come out! The other day I told my sister I thought I was a few cm dilated because the baby felt so low and my pelvis acted like it was opening up. If only it were that easy and pain free. Seriously though, can she fall out mid-walk?

Is Someone Trying To Snap My Spine?

I’ve always had a bad neck and shoulder tension even pre-pregnancy. A 3 month bout of physiotherapy sorted it out but now that I’m pregnant, my back has been in utter agony some days. When I look at my body side on it’s obvious the pressure I’m putting on my back. It can make me feel somedays like someone is trying to snap my spine! The pain is so bad it makes me feel like I need to vomit. The worst is at night when I wake up to use the loo, turn over, cool down, warm up, rearrange pillows (the pregnancy sleep list of things to do is endless FYI) and I feel completely paralysed like I can’t get up. It’s excruciating!

The Scales Are Wrong.

I vowed to not weigh myself during pregnancy because what’s the point? Water, baby, placenta… it’s all added weight. For some reason my scales say I’ve put on 3 and a half stone. Hmm, they must be wrong. Now where did I put those ’emergency’ Mars bars?

Is That The Map Of The London Underground?

Whilst many pregnant women rejoice about nature’s ‘free’ boob job, some days my boobs are so big and so swollen it can be quite painful. Once, they literally looked like the tube map too, ouch! Please lord let them return to normal post baby!

The Daily Stretch Mark Observations

To say I’ve become obsessed with looking at my belly for stretch marks is an understatement. I don’t know where the fascination came from. I knew when I got pregnant that 1 in 10 women don’t get stretch marks, so it was always a given that I’d get them. But my sister has had two children and has not got one tiny, teeny mark. I smother my belly in oil and creams around three times a day but only time will tell. Will I or won’t I get them?

Need Me, Love Me, Want Me

Things I genuinely say to my husband these days. When did I get so needy? I cry if I can’t park in a bay car park space near Starbucks, I feel like people see me as a whale and overall I want to be looked after. Not just in a casual sense, I mean a whole heartedly, drop everything and attend to me situation. Ugh, I’m even annoying myself writing the confession!

Wait! I Can’t Breathe!

I’m wheezy. I’m short of breath. I sound like I’ve just ran 15 miles. Admittedly it’s not always but now and then I sound like a panting horse. Deep belly breaths. Noisy exhalations. How big exactly are my lungs right now? Pregnant women require 20% more oxygen just to rest so it’s not uncommon but I had no idea it’d be that loud or frequent!

In The End

But of course all of this is to grow a baby inside of a tiny sack of water (which I also grew from scratch) inside of my belly. From a speck in fact. One of my hundreds of thousands of teeny tiny eggs linked with a microscopic part of Dan and from it has formed a baby who, right now, is the size of a butternut squash.

This little girl who is 50% me, 50% Daniel already has tufts of hair (which we were shown on the scan). Right now she’s making her way down, head first to prepare for delivery. She has fingernails and she likes dancing when I sing anything by Drake. She even has the ability to constrict her pupils when my belly is exposed to a bright light (clever girl!). She’s developing the skills to fight infections post birth and her bones are already nice and strong. Did I mention that I love her?

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